Can I have yo last name? Can I? Can I have it?

"Hey, I'm Sam."

That is the proper college introduction. Seriously, I shook a guy's hand the other day and he hit me with both his first AND last name. It was legitimately weird. I actually did not know how to respond.

But WHY?

1) People have a hard enough time remembering first names when they meet people, none the less last.

For real though, if I was awarded a dollar for every time I've screwed up a name since I've been here, I could have my college paid for like a kid who didn't just draw pictures with the PSAT bubbles.

Unless your name is something sweet and unique like "Afton" or "Margot," chances are I'm not going to know it 30 seconds after the first time I hear it. From what I've been told, I'm not alone in that boat.

2) It's too many words. Everything these days needs to be streamlined. 

Don't believe me? I bet you you have received at least one One-Word-Text in the last 24 hours. Better yet, what about one letter texts? (You know who you are "K" senders...) It's getting ridiculous. So when I meet a person, I don't want to flood them with information about me, just the same way I'm praying they return the favor.

3) Last names are too personal. A lot of people, whether they even know it or not, are playing their last name close to the chest. But really, what could a person do with a last name? Well not very much other than look you up on...oh snap...FACEBOOK.

Love it or hate it, one thing's for sure:

Thanks to facebook, the last name is the new cell phone number.

Think about it... With facebook, you don't actually need someone's number to get a hold of them, all you need is their name. Once you have that (depending on privacy settings) you have a whole world of contact methods at your disposal. Assuming the friend request goes through...

Birthday (gotta check that age gap), Classification (are they a freshman too?), Mutual Friends (who's going to be my "in" with this person?), photos (how hard do they really party?),  and most creepy of all... Relationship Status (DO I HAVE A CHANCE?).

Try getting any of that with a cell phone number.

Well, I guess that could work...

Now don't read this as a cry out against facebook. I'm not crazy, I'm just pointing some things out here. Don't forget, unlike a cell phone, a person can tell if you got their message. You can sit on a text all day and just pretend that you hadn't checked your phone if you get confronted about it. Not with facebook. If someone sends you a message, you had better respond before you even think about updating your profile picture or status. Because the person who sent it will know, oh they'll know.

Okay you can calm the crying babies down now. I didn't mean to get all dark with this idea, but seriously...we were all thinking it.

So the next time you meet someone and they ask:

What's your last name?

Don't panic, you can always reply by saying:

How about I just give you my cell phone number instead? 

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Seriously, this default facebook guy is creepy.